he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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