woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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