Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
