how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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