Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
