i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize