i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
