The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
