i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
