you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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