there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize