it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
