The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
