I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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