Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
