Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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