So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
