He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
