I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize