I hate your face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
