the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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