I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
