Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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