you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
