You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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