Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
as a side note pls kill me
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