"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
