Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
