oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh god it's open bar.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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