Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
