His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
