OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
