I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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