They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
