I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
