Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
