Who did Billy Mays play for?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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