just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
