Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
