omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
