Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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