Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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