so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
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