i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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