I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
