I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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