is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
