i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
