i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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