marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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