she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
