Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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