Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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