I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
