Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
