my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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