the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
