Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How does one acquire holy water?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
