Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
