Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
