You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
