next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
