her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
