I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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