I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
