I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
